QUESTION: Why did the chicken cross the road?

An exercise in creative writing

Originally posted in : CREWRT, Creative Writing in Education for Teachers and Students
Lacan
"Because of an essential lack in its being."
Freud
"It was an unconscious drive."
Winnicott
"The chicken was exploring potential space."
Chomsky
Because it had an innate road-crossing capacity (IRCC).
Gingrich
Because it was getting out of work.
Ilya Progogine
Because the road was in unstable equilibrium.
Basho
Why did the frog leap in?
Plato
For the greater good.
Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.
Machiavelli
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams
Forty-two.
Nietzsche
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
B.F. Skinner
Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle
To actualize its potential.
Buddha
If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.
Howard Cosell
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Salvador Dali
The Fish.
Darwin
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson
Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus
For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain.
Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
David Hume
Out of custom and habit.
Jack Nicholson
'Cause it fucking wanted to. That's the fucking reason.
Pyrrho the Skeptic
What road?
The Sphinx
You tell me.
Mr. T
If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too fool!
Henry David Thoreau
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard
It was a hen!
Zeno of Elea
To prove it could never reach the other side.
Salman Rushdie
Because all of Islam wanted to kill it.
Ezra Pound
For an old bitch gone in the teeth, for a botched civilization.
T.S. Eliot
To lead you to an overwhelming question.
Robert Frost
The chicken took the road less traveled by. And that has made all the difference.
Lloyd
Why not?
Patricia Valdata
It was stapled to the baby.